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He was just taking a step towards the stairs when he heard
fresh footsteps. The steps sounded very far off, at the very bottom of the
stairs, but he remembered quite clearly and distinctly that from the first sound
he began for some reason to suspect that this was some one coming there, to the
fourth floor, to the old woman. Why? Were the sounds somehow peculiar,
significant? The steps were heavy, even and unhurried. Now he had passed the
first floor, now he was mounting higher, it was growing more and more distinct!
He could hear his heavy breathing.
And now the third storey had been
reached. Coming here! And it seemed to him all at once that he was turned to
stone, that it was like a dream in which one is being pursued, nearly caught and
will be killed, and is rooted to the spot and cannot even move one's arms. At
last when the unknown was mounting to the fourth floor, he suddenly started, and
succeeded in slipping neatly and quickly back into the flat and closing the door
behind him. Then he took the hook and softly, noiselessly, fixed it in the
catch.
Then he took the hook and softly, noiselessly, fixed it in the
catch. Instinct helped him. When he had done this, he crouched holding his
breath, by the door. The unknown visitor was by now also at the door. They were
now standing opposite one another, as he had just before been standing with the
old woman, when the door divided them and he was listening. The visitor panted
several times. "He must be a big, fat man," thought Raskolnikov, squeezing the
axe in his hand. It seemed like a dream indeed.
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The furniture was in keeping with the room: there were
three old chairs, rather rickety; a painted table in the corner on which lay a
few manuscripts and books; the dust that lay thick upon them showed that they
had been long untouched. A big clumsy sofa occupied almost the whole of one wall
and half the floor space of the room; it was once covered with chintz, but was
now in rags and served Raskolnikov as a bed. Often he went to sleep on it, as he
was, without undressing, without sheets, wrapped in his old student's overcoat,
with his head on one little pillow, under which he heaped up all the linen he
had, clean and dirty, by way of a bolster.
Often he went to sleep on it,
as he was, without undressing, without sheets, wrapped in his old student's
overcoat, with his head on one little pillow, under which he heaped up all the
linen he had, clean and dirty, by way of a bolster. A little table stood in
front of the sofa. It would have been difficult to sink to a lower ebb of
disorder, but to Raskolnikov in his present state of mind this was positively
agreeable. He had got completely away from every one, like a tortoise in its
shell, and even the sight of the servant girl who had to wait upon him and
looked sometimes into his room made him writhe with nervous
irritation.
He was in the condition that overtakes some monomaniacs
entirely concentrated upon one thing. His landlady had for the last fortnight
given up sending him in meals, and he had not yet thought of expostulating with
her, though he went without his dinner. Nastasya, the cook and only servant, was
rather pleased at the lodger's mood and had entirely given up sweeping and doing
his room, only once a week or so she would stray into his room with a broom. She
waked him up that day. "Get up, why are you asleep!" she called to
him.
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No one paid attention to him. In the second room some clerks
sat writing, dressed hardly better than he was, and rather a queer-looking set.
He went up to one of them. "What is it?" He showed the notice he had received.
"You are a student?" the man asked, glancing at the notice. "Yes, formerly a
student." The clerk looked at him, but without the slightest interest. He was a
particularly unkempt person with the look of a fixed idea in his eye. "There
would be no getting anything out of him, because he has no interest in
anything," thought Raskolnikov.
"Go in there to the head clerk," said the
clerk, pointing towards the furthest room. He went into that room- the fourth in
order; it was a small room and packed full of people, rather better dressed than
in the outer rooms. Among them were two ladies. One, poorly dressed in mourning,
sat at the table opposite the chief clerk, writing something at his dictation.
The other, a very stout, buxom woman with a purplish-red, blotchy face,
excessively smartly dressed with a brooch on her bosom as big as a saucer, was
standing on one side, apparently waiting for something.
Raskolnikov
thrust his notice upon the head clerk. The latter glanced at it, said: "Wait a
minute," and went on attending to the lady in mourning.He breathed more freely.
"It can't be that!" By degrees he began to regain confidence, he kept urging
himself to have courage and be calm. "Some foolishness, some trifling
carelessness, and I may betray myself! Hm... it's a pity there's no air here,"
he added, "it's stifling.... It makes one's head dizzier than ever... and one's
mind too..." He was conscious of a terrible inner turmoil.
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She's just eating her head off. Get in, I tell you! I'll make
her gallop! She'll gallop!" and he picked up the whip, preparing himself with
relish to flog the little mare. "Get in! Come along!" The crowd laughed. "D'you
hear, she'll gallop!" "Gallop indeed! She has not had a gallop in her for the
last ten years!" "She'll jog along!" "Don't you mind her, mates, bring a whip
each of you, get ready!" "All right! Give it to her!" They all clambered into
Mikolka's cart, laughing and making jokes.
Six men got in and there was
still room for more. They hauled in a fat, rosy-cheeked woman. She was dressed
in red cotton, in a pointed, beaded headdress and thick leather shoes; she was
cracking nuts and laughing. The crowd round them was laughing too and indeed,
how could they help laughing? That wretched nag was to drag all the cartload of
them at a gallop! Two young fellows in the cart were just getting whips ready to
help Mikolka. With the cry of "now," the mare tugged with all her might, but far
from galloping, could scarcely move forward; she struggled with her legs,
gasping and shrinking from the blows of the three whips which were showered upon
her like hail.
With the cry of "now," the mare tugged with all her might,
but far from galloping, could scarcely move forward; she struggled with her
legs, gasping and shrinking from the blows of the three whips which were
showered upon her like hail. The laughter in the cart and in the crowd was
redoubled, but Mikolka flew into a rage and furiously thrashed the mare, as
though he supposed she really could gallop. "Let me get in, too, mates," shouted
a young man in the crowd whose appetite was aroused. "Get in, all get in," cried
Mikolka, "she will draw you all.
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"No, it's too much for me..." he thought. His legs
shook. "From fear," he muttered. His head swam and ached with fever. "It's a
trick! They want to decoy me there and confound me over everything," he mused,
as he went out on to the stairs- "the worst of it is I'm almost light-headed...
I may blurt out something stupid..."On the stairs he remembered that he was
leaving all the things just as they were in the hole in the wall, "and very
likely, it's on purpose to search when I'm out," he thought, and stopped
short.
But he was possessed by such despair, such cynicism of misery, if
one may so call it, that with a wave of his hand he went on. "Only to get it
over!" In the street the heat was insufferable again; not a drop of rain had
fallen all those days. Again dust, bricks, and mortar, again the stench from the
shops and pot-houses, again the drunken men, the Finnish pedlars and
half-broken-down cabs. The sun shone straight in his eyes, so that it hurt him
to look out of them, and he felt his head going round- as a man in a fever is
apt to feel when he comes out into the street on a bright sunny day.
When
he reached the turning into the street, in an agony of trepidation he looked
down it... at the house... and at once averted his eyes. "If they question me,
perhaps I'll simply tell," he thought, as he drew near the police station. The
police station was about a quarter of a mile off. It had lately been moved to
new rooms on the fourth floor of a new house. He had been once for a moment in
the old office but long ago. Turning in at the gateway, he saw on the right a
flight of stairs which a peasant was mounting with a book in his
hand.
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